First reviewed by Bobert

• 

  Bobert
  Nov 01, 2009

  Keep it a secret!

  • Your Rating: 0/5 Stars
  • Average Rating: 1.0/5 Stars

  1.0
  

  Ive been told this is Birminghams best kept secret. After going I see why. It really should remain a secret! We arrived at this non-descript, rather featureless hole in the wall and entered. We waited at the front for a while before the "hostess" could be bothered to put down her cell phone long enough to acknowledge us with a scowl. We were taken to our table and given rather dirty paper menus. As we sat there looking at a dirty tablecloth and the dirty menus another frowning young woman grudgingly slammed glasses of water down in front of us.There was no eye contact, no greeting. We sat there. Eventually out waiter arrived. Another pleasant face! And by pleasant I mean sweaty, mechanical, and rather rude in a wrinkled dirty white shirt. The trio we'd met thus far looked related. Our waiter introduced himself, Jose, and asked what we wanted to drink. He brought our wines, which ended up being VERY expensive and VERRRRY short pours. My companion asked him about it and Jose replied "thats the way it comes"!! We ordered our dinners - EVERYTHING is ala carte,and they charge you extra for more of the very watery sauce they grudgingly put on your pasta. The bread they serve tastes day old and twice baked. My dinner, Chicken Marsala, tasted greatly of Worstershire sauce, which I suppose is theyre substitue for Marsala wine. My companion had what was supposed to be Crab Stuffed Snapper but in reality was Tiliapia with a mayonaise-y crab meat blob on top. Both dished were watered down by the copious amount of water that poured from under the red sauce - mine was a bland tomato sauce, my companions was a red pepper red sauce they claim is marinara! Again, we asked our not so friendly waiter about it,and he just shrugged. And apparently our questioning our meal must have hit a nerve because during our meal we did hear Jose in the bar area using some rather foul expletives with another of the servers. Needless to say, at this point we dared not try a dessert. Which wasnt really an issue as Jose didnt really seem interested in us having any. So after the frowny faced water girl took our plates without asking if we were finished, we waited for our check. And waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I got the attention of a different server and asked if he would plaese ask our server for our check. It arrived, and after the initial shock of the rather steep add ons and after barely making out the chicken scratch handwritten scrawl, we decided that probably the total was correct and placed the credit card in the book. It was the quickest service we'd had all night. I suppose they cant be bothered to make sure things are priced reasonably or if we enjoyed our meal, but they sure can make sure they get paid fast! I left a tip equal to our sub-par experience and we got up to leave. We again passed the front desk which at this point had become the break area for some of the kitchen help, as sitting behind the register was someone in a sweay bandana, tee shirt and chef pants! Upon exiting, my companion decided to return to use the facilities. When he came out, he informed me that, apparently, we were, according to Jose "cheap fu**ers" as Jose was giving our credit card slip to the person at the front desk as my companion passed by. So we left the place with a rather bad taste in our mouths. And not just from the mediocre food!

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" Start with fresh focaccia drizzled with olive oil and fresh basil... "
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